Trouble is a Brewin’ – Part 1, The People Pleaser

Sandra dreaded the holidays . . . and she had reason. Her family expected her to throw a celebration fit for royalty. Christmas in Sandra’s world included decorating her place to rival Santa Claus’s house, cooking like Martha Stewart, and a limousine to shuttle out-of-town guests. Every year people expected more and more, and her yuletide budget had exploded to $10,000! But, Sandra knew that if she didn’t go to such extreme measures her family would be disappointed.

The above scenario is true and may sound crazy to many of you,  but if you are “people pleaser” maybe you can relate.

Just like we brew a cup of tea from a teabag, our personalities sometimes give us traits that we use to “brew” our own bitter cup of personali-TEA. Sandra didn’t have to go to such lengths for Christmas, but she loved her family. She was also a sanguine who used a “people-pleasing” bag to brew a cup of bitter tea that left her empty in the end.

Why a People Pleaser?

It may seem crazy to other personality WHY a sanguine would put him or herself in such a position of working so hard doing something that causes such misery in the end. Two of the emotional needs of this personality are acceptance and approval. One way they fill that need is to do for others. There is nothing wrong with that, but it CAN cause a sanguine to brew bitter personali-TEA if not handled in a healthy way.


One bitter cup that sanguines brew is the flavor of “overwhelmed” and, as part of feeling accepted, they will do anything for anyone. They have a hard time saying NO. When the PTA needs a new president, not only does a sanguine think it sounds like great fun, but deep down, they often see it as a way to feel accepted and gain approval. Then someone from the church asks them to teach Sunday School . . . there is a need and they can’t say NO. Uh oh, it’s the seven-year-old’s birthday and his classmates need Batman cupcakes . . . can’t say NO to the birthday boy.

The list of to-dos goes on and on. Sanguine personalities are energetic and can accomplish a lot. However, saying YES to everything often brews a cup of “overwhelmed.” That’s when the trouble begins. There is no down time or time to do anything with any quality. A sanguine who learns to say NO can avoid this type of trouble.

Doing For The Wrong People

Another cup of bitter personali-TEA sanguine people brew is trying to please the wrong people . . . people who don’t appreciate their efforts. Are you or do you know someone who constantly tries to win the approval of someone who is never going to appreciate the effort? It happens all the time. It could be that the people-pleasing sanguine is like Sandra who tries to meet others expectations and is left to clean up the mess alone when everyone goes home without offering a simple “thank you.” It could be playing chauffeur to someone who criticizes your driving at every turn, but never shares how much your time means to him/her. Maybe it is planning the family reunion for 100 people and being ignored when the festivities begin.

These things happen to people every day, but they really brew bitterness in the life a sanguine because he or she will continue doing for others because of their people-pleasing tendencies. There is no set answer how each sanguine can throw bitter personali-TEA bags out the window, but understanding what you are brewing is a great start for addressing it.

Maybe it is as easy as learning to say NO. Maybe it means managing time better. It could be that aiming your time and talents toward people who WILL appreciate your efforts. These are just a couple of suggestions to eliminate the empty feelings in the end. Only you know your particular circumstances, but hopefully understanding personali-TEA will help you brew better tea, not bitter cups of trouble.

©2012 Shona Neff

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 24th, 2012 at 3:43 pm and is filed under Personalities: Four-Part Series, Personality Stories - Sanguine, The Personalities - Let's Learn!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


One Response to “Trouble is a Brewin’ – Part 1, The People Pleaser”

  1. nascarccmgrlfan Says:

    My choleric lets me say no, even though I have a sanguine side as well. Sometimes when asked to something, I do it and sometimes I say no. I guess it depends on how I feel. I look up basketball scores for my dad but not football ones. I kind of hate football, I guess. Football, I don’t like it all. I don’t have a problem with basketball. Trivial example, but the first one I thought of since his favorite college b-ball team played yesterday and the game was on cable TV, which we don’t have, at least yet. The score was on the college’s basketball web page. Maybe when Dad retires, he’ll want it.

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