So far we’ve delved into the sanguine and choleric girlfriend. The “perfect” girlfriend (aka the “melancholy) is our spotlight today. This girlfriend tends to be the most sensitive of all the personality types. As with all the temperaments, she brings many wonderful traits to any friendship, but isn’t without her own set of challenges.
Even before you get to know a melancholy friend she may appear stand-offish. This happens because they are natural introverts. All that means is that people and activity tend to drain them so they can be a little harder to get to know. However, once they feel comfortable around you they often display wonderful senses of humor and warmth. They tend to be more sensitive than the other personalities, but when they project onto others (instead of internalizing it), their warmth radiates to others. This personality tends to exhibit a high standard in everything they do . . . this often translates into manners and social etiquette. They aim at these things with the arrow of perfection.
If You HAVE a Melancholy Friend
There are certain things to remember about your melancholy friend. She will truly appreciate any sensitivity sent her way. Melancholy personalities tend not to be spontaneous. If you want to plan something with this friend, try NOT to make it last minute. She will need time to think about joining you AND getting it on her calendar. If you want to go to a movie on Friday night, ask your melancholy friend on Monday (or earlier). A trait most friends of a melancholy enjoy is the gracious hostess that comes naturally to her. Don’t be surprised if a casual visit to her house yields tea, lights snacks, and her undivided attention. However, don’t let her immaculate house scare you! I don’t know HOW they do it, but this personality comes the closest I’ve ever seen to a perfectly clean house. It’s hard not to compare our homes to hers, but we just need to understand that she is made that way.
If You ARE a Melancholy Friend
If you are a melancholy friend you have many special traits to share with girlfriends. However, as with all the personalities, there is always the chance for weaknesses to creep in. Let’s look at some of the challenges you may want to address:
- Learn to be flexible with your schedule from time to time. The world won’t spin off its axis if you show your girlfriends some spontaneity now and then.
- If a friend needs support tap into your sensitive side and show her some support. Avoid the tendency to criticize them even if they got themselves into a mess.
- Work at being approachable. This can be hard for an introvert, but you have so many wonderful traits to share you want to open yourself up so that others will get the opportunity to experience those traits.
- Don’t sweat it if someone drops in unexpectedly and your house isn’t immaculate . . . remember that your friends want to visit YOU, not your clean (or dirty) house.
A melancholy girlfriend is a true treasure who needs sensitivity. She may be a little hard to get to know, but once you know her there are many things about her that will add to a friendship.
©21012 Shona Neff