Understanding the Sanguine/Melancholy Couple

Have you ever wondered what an enthusiastic, fun-loving girl sees in a quiet, meticulous man? Or what how a neat and tidy person tolerates someone who leaves total disarray in their wake? Understanding personalities sheds light on these often perplexing realities.

Why are so many people drawn to their exact opposite? Do you remember that famous line in the Tom Cruise movie, Jerry McGuire . . . “you complete me”? That is so true – we tend to be attracted to our opposites because they have what we don’t. The sanguine/melancholy couple is a great example of that premise.

The Sanguine

Sanguine personalities are enthusiastic and love people. Their creative and energetic nature can manifest itself with flamboyance, lots of projects, and a busy lifestyle filled with lots and lots of friends. They love to talk, tell jokes, and can tell an engaging story out of his/her quick trip to the grocery story. Life is one big, fun adventure for the sanguine.

The Melancholy

Melancholy people are the opposite of the sanguine personality. They are quiet and are refreshed by quiet surroundings. They are not opposed to people, but interacting with others drains their energy. Unlike the sanguine who never meets a stranger and makes a new best friend every day, melancholy personalities need to take time to get to know people. They WILL develop relationships and enjoy interacting with groups, but they need to feel comfortable before “letting loose”.

The Attraction

The attraction between opposite personalities usually isn’t a conscious decision, it just subtly happens. Sanguine people are drawn to the melancholy because melancholy personalities tend to provide a sense of stability often lacking in the sanguine person’s life. The melancholy is drawn to a sanguine because this personality is lively and fun.¬† Both of these personalities tend to be creative and this often makes for a natural connection. Maybe they both play a musical instrument or sing? They may even connect over appearance. Both these personalities tend to care about their appearances. Sanguines love to shop and often have a flamboyant sytle. Melancholies¬† like a neat and tidy appearance. This commonality often creates a connection where both parties enjoying shopping, a visit to the salon, or mulling over the perfect outfit to wear for a fun outing.

The Challenges

Once a sanguine is attracted to a melancholy and visa versa, the reality of their differences is certain to settle in. A sanguine decides that his or her beloved melancholy is boring. A smitten melancholy begins to wonder what he or she saw in that messy loud thing they call “sweetheart.” This is where understanding personalities comes in handy. Personalities can reaasure us that we really ARE with the right person . . . that they are not the enemy. They are just different.

A sanguine needs to remember that the melancholy “honey” needs peace and quiet. A melancholy, although attracted by the happy-go-lucky side of a sanguine, tends to view life from a more serious perspective. It helps if a sanguine can learn to back off and let his/her melancholy sweetie have his or her serious moments. Sanguines tend to see everything through rose-colored glasses, yet need to show a quiet sensitivity when necessary.

A melancholy needs to understand that a sanguine needs fun and lively activities to feel good. That means that the melancholy will need to dig deep to participate in some activities that may not necessarily appeal to his or her tastes, but will be sure to make a sanguine giddy. And, despite being very scheduled, a melancholy who shows spontaneity now and then, is sure to put a smile on the face and in the heart of the sanguine in their life.

It is natural to be drawn to our opposite personalities, but over time those differences often lose their allure and become annoying. Understanding personalities helps identify the natural roots of these differences and how to deal with them in a healthy way. Understanding your beloved’s personality can make the difference between perfect harmony or a love gone bad.

©2012 Shona Neff

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 12th, 2012 at 3:09 pm and is filed under Personality Stories - Melancholy, Personality Stories - Sanguine, The Personalities - Let's Learn!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


11 Responses to “Understanding the Sanguine/Melancholy Couple”

  1. Angela Schaefers Says:

    Great post! I think we often attract opposites into our lives to learn from them and they us. It It can create a very dynamic interaction when two different people connect. As you said keeping the connection alive & well may take effort, but when you realize the ways you can learn, grow and be stretched by someone not like you, it helps!

  2. admin Says:

    Angela, thanks for stopping by and commenting. Sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I’m glad you found some helpful insights/information. Understanding personalities has helped me so much in my marriage and with relationships in general. It it easier to make an effort when you understand that it is an investment and will probably go a long way to improve the relationship dynamic :)

  3. Crystal Arnold Says:

    I am such a melancholy!!! Although I’m single, I know how I am. I feel as though reading this will totaly help me in the future. I learning to understand “understanding”. Thanks for the [ost.

  4. admin Says:

    Crystal, thanks for stopping by. When we learn to understand ourselves, we can’t help but see where we are operating in our strengths and our weaknesses. Such enlightenment can help us stay on the right track when we are working in our strengths or need to tweak the things to lessen our weaknesses…certainly a huge help for our futures :)


  5. admin Says:

    Crystal…It doesn’t look like I responded to this…so sorry for the delay. You are so right…having an understanding of personalities is so helpful in so many different ways. I use my understanding with others and interacting with them….but also in understanding me and how I react to different circumstances. So helpful and it really takes the pressure off of others and myself daily. That’s a lot of stress avoided.

    Thanks for stopping by :)


  6. lm119 Says:

    I’m phlegmatic married to a sanguine. How do I figure out his secondary ?

  7. admin Says:

    Hey lm…good to hear from you :) Sometimes the secondary personality can be hard to determine. Not always, but sometimes. If your hubby is sanguine, he is either a choleric or phlegmatic blend (shouldn’t be melancholy since that is the exact opposite personality). If you cannot determine his blend by observation, the next option I would suggest would be to take the personality profile I sometimes link to. Seems like I linked to it recently on my personality FB page. Go scroll around and see if you can find it. If not, let me know and I’ll get the link for you. I hope that helps.


  8. lm119 Says:

    I found this on aug. 6 post is this the link? http://files.meetup.com/81154/Profiles.pdf

  9. admin Says:

    LM…yes, that’s the link. Sorry I didn’t see this sooner but my computer time has been limited the last two-three weeks.

    Anyway, yes, this is the link I share. It was created by the lady I trained under and is the profile I use when helping people determine their personalities and blends. Did you take it yet? If, yes, what were your results?


  10. Rana Says:

    I’m sanguine personality, and my husband is melancholic. It was so helpful to understand his personality since we were struggling for years!
    I hope that we’ll start a way to avoid the mistakes we did before.
    Thank you

  11. admin Says:

    Rana, thanks for stopping by. I’m so glad that my post offered helpful insights. Thanks for sharing :)


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