Her Story

In high school my friend moved around a lot, but landed in a high-school where she quickly caught the attention of the star athlete, and “big-man-on-campus”. He made it clear he was smitten with her, and she was quite taken with him. Not too long into their “boyfriend/girlfriend” days, he introduced her to his friends and shortly thereafter, he broke up with her. As a melancholy introvert, she didn’t understand and was deeply hurt . . . until recently when I posted the following on my Facebook page:

Introvert Problem #76 – People sometimes mistake you as an extrovert because you can be so outgoing

As her mind traveled back in time, the break-up now made sense! When an introvert is comfortable with a person (or group of people) he or she can be the life of the party. It isn’t painful for introverts to interact when they feel safe;  they are willing share the wonderful parts of who they are. One-on-one the new boyfriend made my friend feel safe and she easily opened up. However, when she was thrust before all his friends, her natural introvert kicked in. Boyfriend wasn’t expecting that and wondered where his “outgoing” girlfriend had gone and he expressed his confusion. Him not understanding who she was lead to the break up – a break up that she didn’t understand until all these years later when she read Introvert Problem #76. Knowledge of who she was finally liberated her. Better late than never, huh?

My Story

I was never popular with the boys in high-school. Like any young blossoming girl I wanted to be a guy magnet, but I just couldn’t put myself out there like my peers who easily flaunted the “right” feminine wiles and flirtatious ways. I now understand that sanguine females corner THAT market, while introverted girls (phlegmatic and melancholy) have the upper-hand in awkwardness when it comes to boys.

College was no different. No interest, no dates. Actually, there were a couple of guys who showed interest, but nothing with those crushes amounted to anything . . . except other girls getting boyfriends who quickly lost interest in me. For years I wondered what was wrong with me. There was a boyfriend in the picture for about 18 months, but we were friends long before we dated. Introverts are much more comfortable with guy friends than we are romantic prospects. Guy friends aren’t worried if you are awkward . . . they take the time to get to know you when dating protocol isn’t in play. It’s easier, I suppose for them to overlook introvert awkwardness or our need to be alone because they are not investing anything romantic or ego driven. They are just your friend.

My last year in college, long after breaking up with my first boyfriend, I had a class with the star quarterback at my school. Oh my, he was SO easy on the eyes and, even though I blush a little writing this, I loved walking out of class behind him. (Did I really just say THAT!) Anyway, he was cute, popular, and he was the desire of all the female co-eds on campus. But, like any campus stud, he dated the popular sanguine sorority girls . . .  of which I was not one. I was the girl in Taylor Swift’s song/video wearing T-shirts, sneakers and sitting in the bleachers.

So here’s the real personality part of my “admiration” for Mr. Quarterback. I could never bring myself to flirt with him. It was embarrassing and, besides,  “I wasn’t his type of girl”. I doubt he was interested, but there were a couple of times I wondered if maybe he was. The first time was when he called me for an assignment in the class we had together. It could have been an all business call on his end, and I never thought otherwise and conducted the “business” at hand. I gave him the assignment and promptly ended the call said good-bye, even though my heart was a-flutter. It was only later than it dawned on my that his best friend and roommate was in the same class! Why didn’t he get the assignment from his friend?

The second encounter was a bit more random. He walked into class one day and walked straight to my desk and put his head, like, right next to my face. He was close enough to kiss!! I figure a sanguine/choleric blend would have planted one on him, but I just looked at him and asked him what he needed. I was really bamboozled as to why did that. Was he flirting? Maybe. Maybe not, but I didn’t even open the door to find out! Now I understand . . . introverts often misses flirtatious clues if someone tosses them our way. I may have missed something IF  he was flirting, but being the “go-with-the-flow” phlegmatic it was easy to dismiss it and move on. Although I must admit I’ve pondered just what I may have missed . . . if there was something to miss.

Anyhow, if you are an introvert socializing is bad enough, but dating . . . talk about excruciating. And it’s only excruciating if you know what’s going on! I’ll end with Jane, the eldest sister in Jane Austen’s classic, Pride and Prejudice: Although she was completely in love with Mr. Bingley, her phlegmatic temperament was mistaken by Mr. Darcy as indifference. That lead to an entire subplot in the book that highlighted the typical phlegmatic when it comes to expressing emotions on the guy front. How many times have phlegmatic people missed out because they “just didn’t get it” or because the object of their affection didn’t know just how giddy the “poker-face” phlegmatic was inside. Thankfully, I did survive the dating scene and actually got married. But, get this, me and hubs were friends five years before we ever dated. He got to know me when there was not no pressure, and my introverted ME didn’t scare him off.

©2013 Shona Neff

Choleric and Phlegmatic

For those of you familiar with the choleric personality you’ll remember that this is the most intense of the four personality types. They bring an unseen force when they inter a room . . .  what kind of force depends on if they are in a good mood (positive) or bad mood (negative). You never know what to expect from the unseen energy of a choleric. They are go-getters who thrive on accomplishment. They also enjoy recognition for the many things they accomplish.

The phlegmatic, on the other hand, is very laid back . . . the exact opposite of the choleric. They can slip into a room unnoticed and that is the way they like it. They are the chameleon of all the personality types and don’t mind when other people receive all the attention. Phlegmatic people are most comfortable flying under the radar.

So, with such opposite temperaments, we ask the question begs to be asked:  How can the choleric and phlegmatic be similar?

• Hair – Choeric people have much to accomplish on any given day. Phlegmatic personalities like to mosey down the path of least resistance. These two differences lead to a similar approach to hair. A choleric doesn’t want to waste time doing his or her hair because they have places to go, people to meet, and things to accomplish. A phlegmatic doesn’t want to waste energy on fixing a great hair do. SO . . . . the choleric and phlegmatic end up with similar styles. A quick pony tail or bun can get the choleric out the door and keeps the phlegmatic from lingering in the bathroom with a blow dryer or an extended session with a hot curling iron. An easy to manage hair cut appeals to both the mission-minded personality as well as the personality who likes things done the easy way. A short style or a simple bob often fits the life-style and personality requirements of these opposite people.

• Emotions – Of the four personality types these two tend to the spend the least amount of energy on emotions. Choleric people just don’t have time to fuss about emotions. It isn’t practical in a choleric world where daylight is burning. Phlegmatic personalities are very relational, but don’t like to make themselves vulnerable. They are the what I call the “poker-face” personality. There may be a lot going on under the surface, but they will rarely let anyone know. So, when it comes to emotions, these two personalities check ‘em at the door.

Sanguine and Melancholy

If you are familiar with these two personality types, you are probably wondering WHAT IN THE WORLD COULD THESE TWO HAVE IN COMMON? The outgoing, gregarious sanguine represents everything the quiet and introverted melancholy wants to avoid! How can a “never-look-at-the clock” sanguine remotely resemble the highly scheduled and detail-oriented melancholy? Believe me, there ARE similarities.

• Drama – The sanguine and melancholy personalities are the most sensitive. Sanguines are highly sensitive to whether people like them and approve of what they are doing. Melancholy personalities are overall sensitive and they thrive when people are in tune to them, but watch the “moody” emerge when there is no support. When the people element of support or love is not present in either of these personalities lives, drama ensues! A sanguine has to talk and act out, while the melancholy tends to experience depression which often times results in much public complaining or criticesm. Both scenarios are draining . . .and if you are a phlegmatic or choleric, both scenarios are ridiculous!

• Appearance -  Both the sanguine and melancholy devote time to their appearance. The sanguine tends to love fashion and accessorizing is fun and flashy. The melancholy is very fashion oriented, too. However, they tend to seek a classy and well-put-together style. Both of these personalities can turn heads with their sense of style, but the sanguine tends to be more flamboyant while the melancholy seeks perfect look.

So, you see? Opposite personalities can be similar. One similarity I share with the melancholy temperament is organization. I, being a phlegmatic, am not naturally organized. However, because chaos doesn’t mesh well with my phlegmatic love of simplicity, I must have some semblance of order around me. That could lead people to think I have melancholy tendencies, but my need for order is driven more by my phlegmatic desire to keep things simple. So, it is possible for differing personalities to display similar traits, for totally different reasons.

©2013 Shona Neff

The Planning

Getting a phlegmatic and choleric to take time for a social event can be daunting. Phlegmatics are procrastinators who are terrible about making plans – it is so much easier to stay home and just “be”. Combine that with a mission-minded choleric who wears several professional hats and is always marching along the path of practicality, and a day of girly fun rarely materializes between the two. Well, finally after 5 years of threatening (has it really been THAT long?…maybe just a year), CM and I got intentional and our day of shopping actually happened.

First order of business: Who would drive? Well, CM always drives. She tells me it’s because her personal vehicle (she drives company cars most of the time) needs to be driven so it doesn’t waste away in her garage. However, being the personality mechanic that I am, I also know that choleric personalities need to always have SOME sense of control, so I let CM chauffeur me around when we have a girls’ days out. My inner phlegmatic is happy to go along for the ride and let my choleric girlfriend brave the traffic.

The Lunch

OK, here’s the scoop: phlegmatic personalities rarely insist where to have lunch. If they have any preference, it usually is food establishments they would rather avoid . . . and that doesn’t happen very often. Lunch was first on our girls’ day out agenda.

“Where would you like to eat?” CM started the process I usually dread.

“I don’t have any place in particular in mind. How about you?”

CM quickly jumped on the opportunity to pick. Much to my delight we ended up at Gabriel’s, a northern New Mexico gem. Yes, it’s a great eatery, but the choleric/melancholy of CM is what initiated her quick decision. Life is all about being practical for a choleric. Since CM and I both live in small towns north of Santa Fe, we have to drive 45 minutes to have a decent girls’ day out. Gabriel’s is half way between where we each live and where we wanted to go, Santa Fe. CM figured that by having lunch at this restaurant not only would we get great food, but once we hit Santa Fe, we’d be ready for shopping action. She was right. I was happy to go along for the ride, the food, and the fellowship.

The Agenda

I didn’t have an agenda other than to enjoy the day out with my friend. CM didn’t really have set plans, but yet she did. This is where the mission-minded choleric collided with the frugal, melancholy shopper…and I got caught in the crossfire. There wasn’t any ONE big thing CM need to do, but lots of little things. We stopped at a retail grocer to get 10 vitamin water drinks at $.69. (According to CM, she would have bought every one in the store if they had been $.50 because THAT is a good price). We stopped at a members’ club store to take advantage of a great price on string cheese. Then off to a health food store to pick up some sale fruit and vitamins. Along the way, we also stopped at a pharmacy so my friend could help me pick up some Negrita, a product that she uses on her hair and that she said I needed. (NOTE: I really DO like it now that I own some.)

It was not a bad day of hunting down healthy bargains. However, with each stop I got the melancholy low-down on how stores manipulate prices which makes consumers think they are getting better deals than they truly are. At least that what I think she was trying to explain. As the details whirled around me I just smiled and nodded while the information (which I’m sure was great) took up residence among confetti that constantly swirls in my phlegmatic head.

The Shopping

As part of our shopping we ended up at TJ Maxx just to look around. Oh my, did our personality differences shine bright. Always practical, CM cruised the store with a very discriminating eye. Me?…well, my sanguine side oohed and aahed over every bright and fun object. When I doted over something really cute, CM just didn’t “get it” and looked at me with a puzzled expression. However, understanding personalities, I just cracked up. By the end of our “maxxinista” shopping trip our cart was filled with a few goodies. We both chose some kitchen containers. CM liked them because they were practical. I liked them because they saved me energy in kitchen when it comes to storing leftovers. Similar likes for different reasons.

The Purchases

Choleric and melancholy personalities are practical and frugal. Phlegmatic and sanguine personalities enjoy things a little more, and the sanguine can be a money-spending machine. When it was time to check out, I had a much larger pile of purchases than my friend. I also had a brighter, more FUN things than CM. Pretty typical considering our differing personalities.

(Left, my fun pile. Right, CM’s practical pile)

As we stood in line waiting for an available cashier, I was captivated by all the impulse merchandise dancing before my eyes and chanting, “BUY ME, BUY ME!” I was tempted, but CM didn’t even give them a second look. She had accomplished her mission and didn’t want any more items. I was able to pass up all of strategically marketed items, and we proceeded to the sales counter.

I checked out first and had a jolly time chatting with my new friend, the cashier. A phlegmatic/sanguine blend is all about relationship. I happily finished while CM’s stepped up to pay for her selections: Choleric. All business. Ring up items. Pay for items. Cut and dry and DONE. Upon walking to the car, CM mentioned how differently the cashier responded to me than to her. “The cashier smiled more when she was checking you out. She got all business like when it was my turn.” Me, I’m warm and fuzzy. CM, she’s a robot.

The Parking Lot

Watching CM navigate a busy parking lot provided the biggest laugh of the day. As we cruised through looking for a place to park in front of T. J. Maxx, we passed a large SUV hauling a family. The backseat window, behind the driver, was rolled down and there was a teen-aged boy half hanging out waving his arms and being goofy.

“What is that idiot doing?!” scowled my classic choleric friend.

In a matter-of-fact, classic phlegmatic tone I chimed in, “Some people DO like to have fun, ya know.” We both busted up.

OK….you melancholy personalities reading this, do YOU have to park perfectly straight between the lines in a parking lot? Every time we parked, CM had me open my door to make sure she was parked straight. After about the fourth time, I decided an intervention was in order, and I refused to look. CM indulged my stubbornness, but I DID see her sneak a peek as we exited the car and headed into the store. I’m not so sure my intervention worked.

The Surprise.

Our last stop was at a store that requires employees to round up shopping carts. As we left the store CM and I were carrying a couple of items. Well, imagine my surprise when CM….the choleric/melancholy robot started flirting with the cart guy! Well, actually, he started it by batting his eye lashes at us. We figure he was looking for a cougar or a sugar momma, but CM played the game better than any giddy, high-school girl! I certainly wasn’t expecting that. He actually asked her for a date, but quickly lost interest when he heard she was married. My friend’s flirty foray just goes to show that any personality is capable of stepping out their personality zone. (I will say, I stayed in my personality zone . . . I was ready for him to go away. That isn’t a surprise)

The End

CM and I had such a fun girls’ day out. We look forward to the next time the stars line up and we go out for another day of lunch and shopping. We may be totally opposite personalities, but we sure have a good time together.

©2013 Shona Neff

What exactly IS a shepherd? According to dictionary.com it is one who protects and guides. I’d like to also add a term I saw floating around the Internet: keeps the flock together. So, armed with a definition let’s see what we can learn about a political shepherd.

Protects

When a shepherd of the field is with his sheep, he protects them. There are many dangers lurking about where sheep hang out. Depending on where a flock is in the world the predators can vary anywhere from coyotes to lions to weather to treacherous terrain.  Political shepherds protect their flocks from similar threats. These perils can be outside or within the flock.

Outside dangers include hostile countries whose aim is to hurt the flock. Although most natural disasters cannot be prevented a shepherd does his best to mitigate the effects of such events. He or she does not exploit the situation for political gain or disparage others, but rather goes to work to help ALL people “weather” the storm. And when it comes to treacherous terrain, a true political shepherd navigates the flock through or around the treacherous surroundings in an effective manner. And never, never, never, does this effective leader create terrain that makes things more difficult for his or her charges. This would be considered an INSIDE threat and is more reflective of a  wolf (or a dumb sheep who somehow finds him or herself in a leadership position they cannot handle.)

A choleric is naturally geared to protect. A melancholy can be fairly effective in this area because of their devotion to doing the right thing, but sanguine and phlegmatic personalities do not usually come by this naturally, but that doesn’t mean they cannot do it when necessary.

Guides

A political shepherd provides good and constant guidance for the people. This means that their own lives are self-governed and prudent. They are able to relate to the people, thus understand and guide them better. Of course, many leaders cannot live the exact lifestyle as the citizens due to protective issues, but it is always prudent to research their background and watch how they conduct themselves as they rise to the top.

A true sheep shepherd doesn’t live the high-life and then haphazardly guide the sheep when it’s convenient. No, they occupy the same field as their flock. They often sleep under the stars and eat among their charges. Neither do political shepherds seek out  lifestyles that take them away from their work an inordinate amount of time nor lord their position of power OVER those they lead. They provide solid guidance because they can relate and because they take their duties seriously. Although any healthily balanced personality can achieve this, the phlegmatic has the edge in this area.

Keeps the Flock Together

A good sheep shepherd is happy to keep his flock together. . . and NEEDS to for the benefit of the flock.  The same is reflected in a political shepherd. They understand the importance of keeping the citizens together. Just like a divided flock is in grave danger, so are a divided people. A political shepherd unites! Sure, not all the sheep are going to think alike and neither are the people, but a good leader finds common ground and leads well!

Think about it . . . if there is a small pond of water that won’t accommodate the flock,  it is the sheep shepherd’s duty to allow the sheep to drink efficiently or to look for another source of water. An ineffective shepherd (who actually is NOT a shepherd at all) creates skewed criteria that treats the sheep differently and no one completely eradicates their thirst. A good sheep shepherd devises great solutions to aid, instead of, divide the flock. Likewise, a political shepherd does the same without dividing the people.

Sanguine personalities are creative and good motivators. They tend to be effective in this area. But, again, any personality can succeed as a political shepherd if they are well balanced, understand their role, understand those they lead, and act like a leader.

I think it is worth mentioning that when it comes to analyzing someone politically, be careful when it comes to the shepherd because sometimes a political wolf deceptively dons the mantle of a shepherd. Wolves are cunning so I suggest you familiarize yourself with the roles of political sheep, wolves, and shepherds so YOU can learn to recognize who are the followers, the deceivers, and the true leaders. When it comes to personalities and the political shepherd, ANY personality can shepherd the citizen flock, but before you vote, take a look at the characteristics of each candidate so you can choose the best leaders to protect, guide, and keep the flock together.

©2013 Shona Neff

So, what, exactly is the definition of a “wolf”? Well, as one would expect, I got a lot of the animal description such as “canine” and “large dog,” but obviously that isn’t exactly what I was looking for even though I giggled at the many unflattering canine traits that fit some of our current leaders. However, when they got into wolf behavior. . . . I hit the jackpot!! Here we go into some material we can really sink our teeth into:

Wolves . . .

• live in packs.
• are fierce.
• hunt in packs.
• are predatory.

Live in Packs

It makes sense that animals living in packs (as opposed to a solitary life like a cheetah) have a better survival rate . . . that could be true for politicians when, at work, they form what could be considered a “pack”. Take the nation’s Capitol for example — we have the House of Representatives. It is a pack 435 people strong full of all kinds of different ideas, some good and many bad. The pack mentality is probably one reason so many bad ideas, from both sides of the aisle, survive thus creating a wake of chaos for people like you and me.

Or how about this pack whose acronym is actually PAC: C-PAC (Conservative Political Action Committee). Packs like this tend to include people of a more like mind than our motley Congress, but even THEY don’t always see eye-to-eye. But, the important thing to remember is that, as in a real wolf pack, there is a hierarchy in “packs” like the one pictured above. Some people are sheep (as discussed in my last post) while others are wolves. It doesn’t matter what one’s political affiliation is, wolves are everywhere. Since this series defines easily-influenced followers as sheep, we usually see wolves as the ruthless power brokers among their political peers.

Fierce

Wolves in the wild are fierce. They have to be in order to survive. Wolves in politics are fierce when it comes to dealing with their peers. I even think the “worst-of-the-worst” wolves deal fiercely with those they are elected to serve: they lord their power and position OVER the people.  Although any personality can be fierce if you push the right buttons, the choleric tends to be the fiercest overall, plus they are the natural-born leaders. Thus, choleric people tend to morph into political wolves when they become drunk with power. They are the natural-born leaders, but when this wonderful trait crosses the line into a weakness, they want to control everything.

Cholerics are the most mission-minded personality. However, if he or she is not operating from a place of balance, they may do whatever it takes to complete the mission before them. I mentioned the political television series House of Cards in my last post. The main character, Frank Underwood, is a beautiful portrayal of a Washington wolf in action. Lies, deceit, scandal, ruining reputations, controlling perceptions where they are real or not . . . it’s all there. Wolves will go beyond what is appropriate to “prove their point” even when there ISN’T a valid point. One telling thing to watch for in these people is their pattern of attacking opponents PERSONALLY when there is no foundation to support their own position. The wolves main objective is to accomplish their goal . . . no matter the cost. They are fierce.

Hunt in Packs

Just like wolves hunt in packs for the success, politicians are the same way. That is a sanguine trait . . . the more the merrier. I’ve never lived in DC or attended any political galas (except for one many years in New Mexico’s state capitol), but I’ve heard (and read) about how political society works and seen it portrayed in many movies and TV shows. Oh my, the seedy things that can go on in a group of political-minded people. Phlegmatic people and many melancholies would stumble around in that environment, but watch the sanguines work a room, while cholerics work the angle. They were made for pack work. Sometimes the people with the pack don’t necessarily have the best ideas, but because they have the biggest and most social pack, they get more traction with their ideas. Look at any pack that makes an impact: they are full of acceptance-seeking sanguines who often sacrifice “right” for the chance to “belong.” Sanguine personalities want to be where the action is and often become shirttail-riding wolves.

In today’s political environment watch who a politician includes in their pack. Are they thugs? Are they honest? Do they intimidate people? Do they have facts that support their ideas or do they rely on fiercely devaluing people and dishonest debate? Do they build up or tear down as they navigate the world of politics? Do they present their ideas with clarity or base their positions on attacking others? These questions along with considering someone’s personality can help you identify the wolves.

Predatory

According to the definition of predator that automatically popped up at the top of the screen when I did a Google search, predator has two meanings: 1) An animal that naturally preys on others, and 2) A rapacious, exploitative person or group. Both definitions work for a political wolf.

Wolf politicians PREY on others . . . other elected officials (sheep) and/or their own constituents! It isn’t unusual for a pack of national or state politicians to ravenously exploit those they are suppose to represent. Now, again, political affiliations may affect how people see this, but there are unbiased signs to watch for. For example, a predator has his or her own interests at heart . . . in other words, they are selfish and don’t worry about the consequences of certain decisions. Many times they don’t HAVE to worry because they exempt themselves from their own decisions.

Any personality can be affected by this phenomenon, but phlelgmatics are LEAST LIKELY to exhibit this behavior. They are naturally a more diplomatic and considerate personality. Not that they are perfect, but the sanguine, choleric, and melancholy are more prone to look out for their own interests. What to watch for: someone who makes rules that govern others, yet they do not apply to themselves; lack of respect for others; they think the world revolves around themselves; they have BIG EGOS; they talk compassion, but do not walk compassion. This is just a small list, but you get the idea.

Hopefully, this personality information helps you identify the political wolves running amok in powerful places. Overall, the choleric personality is the one most likely to fall into this category, but that doesn’t mean that the other personalities can’t be wolves, too.When analyzing candidates or evaluating current politicians, consider personality first, then apply the traits we see in wolves. You may see things you’ve never noticed before. However, if you learn to identify the “wolf” tendencies of those in strategic leadership positions or running for elected position, it can be a valuable tool to keeping the wolves out of the nation’s “hen house”, by not electing those with damaging personalities into positions of leadership.

PS One more thing that can identify a wolf is their tendency to “howl” . . . or as it could be described in human terms, “bloviating.”

©2013 Shona Neff

]]> http://www.shonaneff.com/?feed=rss2&p=3862 1 http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3840 http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3840#comments Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:16:31 +0000 admin http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3840 Oh yes I DID!….and WHY? Personalities are great tool for understanding politicians and identifying statesmen.

OK, so I may loose some followers with this series . . . after all, isn’t politics one of those subjects that momma told us to stay away from along with religion and finances? News flash, I don’t stay away from any of those topics when personalities are involved. Well, if you’ll hang with me, my intent is NOT to disparage one side or the other, but to provide (as best as I can) unbiased insights into the political world using personalities.

Before jumping into this topic, let me share what made me decide to tackle it in the first place. I’ve been watching a political mini series and found it intriguing. It depicts the seedier side of political life, but we all know there are good guys and bad guys in all governments…and our definitions of good and bad may vary, but that is another post for a different website. My interest swirls around personalities. Anyhow, after watching and analyzing season one, I came up with three categories for those claiming to lead our country. Some of you may not agree with my assessment, but there is much to be learned from looking at the personality breakdown in each category. So, with that, let’s jump in.

My observations tell me that there are three categories of people in American politics: sheep, wolves, and shepherds. Today we will look at the political sheep and their personalities.

In order to fully dig into this concept we must know about sheep. Here are a few facts I found and have personally experienced as a result of my granddad raising sheep on occasion:

Sheep . . .

• have a herd mentality.
• are gullible.
• need a leader, not good at thinking on their own (hence they tend NOT to be leaders).
• are helpless (example: flipped over on their back, unable to right themselves and will die of starvation if not turned over by shepherd)
• don’t like to be sheared or cleaned.
• need a pre-determined plan.
• are stubborn and insist on their own way.

One character in the mini-series, Peter, exhibited the “sheep” mentality and clarified what we see in Washington DC today. Poor guy. . . he was probably an extreme, but then again, Peter’s story probably does happen to some extent within our governing body. He was a very likable character who truly wanted to do good, but he became a sheep and did what he was told instead of following through on why he was elected into office by his constituency. Long story short, he became a drug addict, a pawn for the aspirations of another politician, and a murder victim at the hands of the politician who played him like a fiddle.

Always the Personality Mechanic, I pondered what part personalities play in politics. Taking into consideration my own observation of today’s politicians, Peter the “sheep” character from the show, and the characteristics of sheep, here is my personality assessment:

Although EVERY personality can fail as a politician or succeed as a statesman, there are two personality types that may find the fall into the sheep category more easily than the others — the sanguine and phlegmatic. Using the above list of sheep ways, let’s break it down.

Herd Mentality

Sanguine personalities yearn for approval and itch to belong to a group. A sanguine politician may stray from his/her values in order to establish a place within the “herd”. Phlegmatic people tend to be indecisive and avoid conflict. This makes them especially vulnerable to follow the crowd and, like the sanguine, stray from their core beliefs in order to fit in with the status quo or the “cool” people. Sanguine and phlegmatic personalities often turn into the politicians blown in whatever direction the wind dictates.

Gullible

Knowing personalities and observing people for most of my life, I’d have to say that, although there are some very astute sanguine people in our population, they tend to be the most gullible temperament. Peter, once again, fell into this category. The wolves (who we will discuss in the next post) were the ones who influenced him and they did NOT have his best interests in mind. They were out for their own political gain and used Peter the Sheep as a pawn. They promised him the world, but offered him up as a corpse.

Need a Leader

Sheep don’t do well on their own. They require the most supervision of all livestock. Phlegmatics tend to fall in this category, and since I’m a phleg I can related. This personality (including me) prefers not to be in charge. It doesn’t mean that they are not capable, they would rather assist and operate behind the scenes. If a sanguine or phlegmatic politician doesn’t dig deep, stand up for what they believe, or becomes a doormat, others run all over them.  They join the ranks of Washington fluff ‘n stuff sheep while others do the dictating.

Don’t Like to be Sheared or Cleaned

Where egos reign supreme (and this can be ANY personality), there isn’t much “shearing” or cleaning going on. Where there is no desire to clean up dirty hearts or minds, filth rules the day! Am I being harsh? Maybe, but I’m probably not the only one who suspects that there is an underbelly in our nation’s capitol. The political sheep get dirty blowing around in the dust devil that is Washington.

Need a Pre-Determined Plan

Sheep don’t think on their own. They go wherever the farmer/shepherd/leader (bad or good) tells them to go. This is what happened to Peter in the show. He wanted to do right, but easily succumbed to the pre-determined plan of another. Did he feel bad? Yes. Did he pay for it? Yes. Did he devise his own path? No. He became a political sheep lead to the slaughter. Again, any personality can become such a victim, but the sanguine and phlegmatic tend to be more susceptible. I truly liked Peter and have him pegged as a sanguine/phlegmatic combination… deemed as everyone’s favorite personality. But, in the end, this wonderful blend was a sheep.

Stubborn, Insist on Own Way

Depending on one’s passions, every personality can fall prey to these attitudes. No one can be more stubborn than a phlegmatic who decides to dig their heels in. However, the choleric and melancholy get a little mention in this category. Both of those personalities are notorious for not backing down. Whether this is a good or bad thing in DC probably depends on which side of the aisle you come down on politically, but we won’t go there since this is about political personalities and not pure politics.

Sanguines and Phlegmatics: Desine to Join the Flock?

Not all sanguine and phlegmatic personalities become political sheep. A well-balanced sanguine or phlegmatic operating in their strength as opposed to their weaknesses, can become a statesmen instead of political sheep. Sanguines are motivators! They have creative minds and lots of energy. Those are wonderful traits for leaders who use those tools effectively. Phlegmatics are movers and shakers when their passions arise. They are the natural diplomats, steady, and reliable. Balanced personality traits are an asset to any leader when used well.

©2013 Shona Neff

My family just celebrated a cluster of birthdays which provided a great example for this topic. Let’s start with my mother who just celebrated her 80th birthday. It was a nice celebration that provided me great insights into birthday party personalities.

My sister is sanguine and LOVES all sorts of gatherings, social events, and parties. She was instrumental in plotting and planning the festivities. That makes sense because sanguine personalities are made for fun . . . and planning fun is super FUN for them! Being spontaneous people, they consider the element of surprise a true spice of life. Sis suggested a SURPRISE party for Mom. However, our mom is melancholy and doesn’t do “unplanned” very well. I suggested to my sister (who lives out of state) that rather than too much surprise, that she, at the very least, let Mom know that she planned to visit around the time of the birthday and then surprise her with the party. That way, Mom could have a visit on her calendar which allowed Mom to plan ahead while still allowing for the surprise party.

There were still a few surprises afoot: Mom had no idea a niece and nephew living out of state were flying in. She also didn’t know that we planned to celebration at my brother’s house with wonderful catered food. Of course, being the melancholy type she knew something was up. Those darned melancholies are often a little too analytical and curious for their own good. She sensed something was up and keeping everything a total secret was impossible. She kept asking questions of all us kids so the element of surprise was compromised to an extent. But, she later expressed appreciation that she wasn’t caught completely off guard. She was glad she was able to finish few projects in anticipation of my sister’s visit.

I recently celebrated a birthday, and my husband kept telling me I needed a party: I told him I didn’t. I’m phlegmatic and social gatherings, even in my honor, can be quite uncomfortable. He kept insisting, and I finally told him that if he planned a party, I would leave. He finally relented much to my relief. Actually we were out of town when my birthday rolled around and that was JUST fine with me. It ended up I got to spend most of the day visitng an out of town friend that I don’t see very often. She treated me to a girlie day I’ll always treasure. Hubs and son took me dancing that evening, and when I had had my fill of people and loud music, we headed home.

When it comes to birthdays a person’s personality has a lot to do with how best to celebrate. If you know the birthday boy or girl’s temperament it can be an invaluable tool. Here are a few tips to remember:

Sanguine personalities tend to love, love, love celebrations. Not only do they relish being the reason FOR the celebration, they enjoy planning parties for other. Thank goodness my sister was in the picture when it came to our mom’s 80th. If it had been up to me, it would have been a quiet (and probably boring) moment easily forgotten in history. That’s one of many differences between a sanguine and phlegmatic. Sanguine = party animal. Phlegmatic =  NOT party animal.

Melancholy personalities fall in the introvert category and don’t do spontaneous very well. They are planners. Our mom was glad she got to plan ahead for my sister’s visit even though she didn’t know about the party. However, being ever so analytical, she figured something was up. You have to be extra sneaky to surprise a melancholy.

Phlegmatics are quiet people. They happily bask in quiet celebrations. It may seem boring to others, but those are treasured times for this introvert.

And last, but not least, the choleric. Parties are not always “practical” endeavors in the choleric mind, but they can enjoy themselves if they are surrounded by friends and people they like. The choleric, however, really shines when doing for others whether it is buying the perfect gift or planning a party (it gives them a mission they can sink their teeth into.) Thank goodness for my brother who has choleric tendencies . . . he took on the role of finding the perfect gift for Mom. She always says she doesn’t want anything, but my brother did a great job finding her the right gift….a new computer.

OK . . . so now you have some insights as to what will really make a birthday guy or gal smile when it comes time for them to celebrate another year on planet Earth. Whether a celebration includes all the bells and whistles, or is a quiet time with a few friends or family, understanding personalities helps find that perfect match.

©2013 Shona Neff

In my last fashion post I just picked clothes that typified the personality look I was going for. However, this time, I chose a theme to show how differently each personality dresses for the same situation. I chose an afternoon out on the town as the backdrop for my choices….maybe lunch, followed by an afternoon at the museum, or shopping with a friend. Thanks to my “go-to” girl, Shilpa, and her associate, Brooke, who helped me find rockin’ styles from the Young Contemporary/Edge department from the Dillards located in the Winrock Center (Albuquerque, NM).

Sanguine

Here is me in the sanguine look. Bright, colorful, and FUN!  I really love this outfit, but as a phlegmatic personality you probably won’t see me frolicking around town in this. It’s a little TOO bright for me, but there are many sanguine women who would wear this outfit around town and feel quite comfortable. They are certain to turn heads in the eye-catching outfit . . . and that is just what a sanguine loves: to be noticed.

(Jacket and dress – Chelsea & Violet, Boots – Steve Madden (from the Dillards shoe department that I now own, yay,  Purse – from a very sanguine shelf in the Dillards accessory department.)

Choleric

Choleric personalities tend to be practical when it comes to their clothing choices and it can be hard to predict when they will dress down or dress up for an afternoon outing. I chose dress-up casual for today’s ensemble. It is bold in color and design that reflects the intensity that typifies the choleric. One very practical aspect of this outfit is the pants. Not only are they are the versatile color of black (can be dressed up or down), but they have a nice leather-type strip on the side of each leg that makes it appropriate in many settings . . . casual or dressy.

Not being of the choleric personality type I had a hard time pulling off “the look”, but hopefully you get the overall picture.

(Top – Collective Concepts, Pants – James Jeans)

Melancholy

Pulling off the “melancholy around town” look was SO hard for me since I am so NOT melancholy, but thankfully the sales associate, Brooke, seemed to be melancholy and went right to work. She picked this outfit, and I it is a wonderful representation of a classic melancholy out for the day.

Brooke went straight to this simple yet striking jumpsuit. She wrangled the bangle bracelets off a mannequin because they matched the jumper’s belt PERFECTLY! Just how a melancholy likes it. She accompanied me to the accessory department where we found the necklace that matched the bangles. But, before leaving accessories, Brooke found a hat to top off the melancholy look. She created a perfect look.

( Jumpsuit – Gianni Bini, all accessories from Dillards accessories department)

Phlegmatic

Now we’re talking. I can DO phlegmatic well since that is my primary personality. I picked two outfits, but my friend Shilpa suggested I use this one to show that, even though phlegmatic personalities are drawn to simple and comfortable clothing, we can wear fashionable and edgy outfits while remaining true to a simple and comfortable style. This outfit certainly does that!

Even though they are not visible in this photo, there are silver studs accenting the shoulders of this cropped jacket. They did not stand out too much, but my sanguine side liked the subtle bling. The colors called to me from the hanger . . . I’m naturally drawn to navy and more muted tones crawling all over this outfit. Jeans!… a phlegmatic can never go wrong with a comfortable pair of jeans (unless it’s a MORE comfortable pair of sweats). This ensemble practically dragged me to the wall so I could lean and get comfortable for this photo . . . it was easy for me to give in to the peaceful aura I felt in these clothes.

(Jacket and jeans – Buffalo by David Bitton)

Personalities are everywhere in our daily lives and clothing is just one area where personality differences make themselves known. Don’t forget to consider YOUR personality type when shopping because it are a great tool to prevent you from buying clothes that you love in the store, but won’t wear once you get them home. I love all the outfits I modeled above, but because I know I’m phlegmatic, the only one I’d be comfortable wearing is the low-keyed style that fits my personality. Happy shopping!

(NOTE: Special thanks to Shilpa and Brooke for helping me find great clothes. Please stop by and visit Shilpa, Brookd, and Jazmine at the Winrock Dillard’s location near ABQ Uptown. They lend their expertise to the Young Contemporary/Edge Department. Tell them Shona, the Personality Mechanic sent you.)

©2013 Shona Neff

It’s true! Some people stand out while others are a quiet presence in the world.

“Everyone shines, given the right lighting.” Susan Cain

For some personalities, the lighting is more subdued, but just as piercing.

Today’s post finishes out the series of 10 Things You Need to Know About Personalities.

Every person born has a personality. For those who believe in the Divine Creator, people were made in His image, and He doesn’t make junk. That’s why I know everyone has a personality and each of us has value and is wonderful no matter what personality we are blessed with. Whether you are one of the extroverted gems (sanguine or choleric) or are more of an introverted treasure (melancholy or phlegmatic), YOU  ROCK!

Walt Disney, whether he actually understood the temperaments or just had a innate sense about them, used them as a tool to create the memorable characters that fill his whimsical kingdom: “I try to build a full personality for each of our cartoon characters–to make them personalities.”

The Personalities are not intended to be labels used in the negative sense we see labels today, however, personalities are both specific and broad enough to help us understand ourselves and others better. Specific because people fall into similar categories (like the outgoing extroverts and the quiet introverts) and broad because no two personalities are the same ie, no two choleric people are the same even though they may have commonalities.

Everyone has a personality. Think about that the next time you hear someone say, “That person has no personality what so ever.” You won’t fall into that trap because YOU know different. Everyone has a personality, and each personality is unique and wonderful in its own way.

©2013 Shona Neff

]]> http://www.shonaneff.com/?feed=rss2&p=3824 0 http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3802 http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3802#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 00:03:35 +0000 admin http://www.shonaneff.com/?p=3802 My last post splashed paint on a broad canvas that told the story of the outgoing and often boisterous extrovert. Today we are going to use a paintbrush to create a portrait of the introverts of the world. Extroverts tend to steal the spotlight on the world’s stage, but without introverts, there would be no show. So, let’s have a look at the #9 on the list of 10 Things You Need to Know About Personalities.

The melancholy and phlegmatic are the two introverted personalities.

Energized by Quiet…

One of the big differences between the introvert and the extrovert is their response to external stimulation such as activity and noise. Where as extroverts are energized by lots of external stimulation, introverts are not. They need quiet surroundings to recharge their batteries. Some people mistakenly think that introverts are boring people because they are low-keyed, but the truth is they have a lot going on INTERNALLY. They are easily overwhelmed when they experience stimulation coming from outside as well as inside.

Melancholy personalities are thinkers: they analyze, they process, and they plan.  The phlegmatic, on the other hand, is a ponderer. They tend to mull things over in their heads as opposed to conducting serious analysis like the melancholy. There is a lot of internal stimulation going on inside the mind of the typical melancholy and phlegmatic. When we understand that, it is easier to see why they tend to seek out peace and quiet when it comes to external stimulation. This also helps see that introverts are not dull, it just takes a little more digging to see their light shine . . . and shine it does when we time to look beneath the surface.

…Drained by People

People sometimes mistakenly think all introverts are shy. Although some truly are, many are not. Take me for example: I love people, but often prefer solitary activities. I never felt shy, but when people pressed I would reluctantly assign myself that “label”, although it didn’t feel right and no one believed me, but I didn’t know any better. Then I learned about introverts . . . and discovered that I was one!! The part that provided my biggest AHA moment was when I learned that introverts are drained by people. That made total sense and described me perfectly. When I attend a conference or any large gathering of people (including small family get-to-gathers), my sanguine side helps me socialize just fine, but when activities come to an end, I must retreat to my quiet cave for a few days to recharge my people-drained battery.

Introverts may not often be thought of as belonging in the category of “beautiful people” or “cool cats”, but they ARE very active behind the scenes using their fine paintbrush to color the world with their quiet contributions to society’s canvas. Do the names Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, Socrates, C.S Lewis, Ludwig van Beethoven, or Jane Austen ring any bells?

©2013 Shona Neff